A failed attempt

Ideas for photoshoot:

1) things to convey, I am empty! There are no thoughts, just feelings and impulses that echo off walls of blood vessels. Electron currents, like flecks from sparklers burning down, such little things in control of such a large scope. It's a process, there is no mind to a sandstorm or the way the rain falls. Animals and machines are easy things, sometimes I feel more like one or the other. Humans think, I calculate. I think in sharp points, slice one in half and add up the pieces. I feel like a thing, an animal, more liquid in thought then the rigid confines of what "people" are can contain. This is not better, it is just messy. I can be poured, I suppose. I like sweet noises but they must change, constantly, or the machine in me ceases to find such patterns and rhythms and shapes amusing. None of these things are what I want to take pictures of because I don't want to take pictures right now. I want to be unconscious, mindless. I would like to break things down to simple pieces, but not set it up first. I am empty, I can't see forward and I won't look back, I hear a heartbeat and see this screen and the corner of SW clay and park. Stop. One Way. Expresso, Pastries, Fresh Juice, Sandwitches and Salads. College students walk by and it reminds me of when I was them and they weren't here and I was trying, really hard, to not be like I am now. I got stuck and just stayed, vibrating strong and clear but out of tune, out of chord. There is an emergency yellow light pulsing endlessly down the street, yellow, and I can't decide if it's driving me crazy of it I don't care about it in the slightest. Everything moves so slowly, is this productivity?